remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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