I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
