i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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