i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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