so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
