you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
