Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
