I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
