I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
