bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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