tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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