If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
