Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
