We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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