yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
