good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
