I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This baby is an asshole
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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