I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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