How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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