two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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