He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
