her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
