Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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