Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
