You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
