We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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