i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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