I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
