you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
