Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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