last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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