I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
