I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?