how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?