I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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