If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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