marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
