I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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