i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
