Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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