did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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