I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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