i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
