that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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