gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
