what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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