Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
