I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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