Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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