How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
tell me about the eggs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
