I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it's like iHOP with fire
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
