Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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