would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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