I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
