Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
