i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
