I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
