I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize