It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to cum in my sink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
