fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she told me i tasted like america
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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