She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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