I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
