Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
