I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
