i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize