apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
