Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
