don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
