So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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