he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
