the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize