are you so shy because you have an std?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
