My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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