just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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