I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
