how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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