i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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