I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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