idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
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You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."