She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait