i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.