I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.