So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
