Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

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  (512): dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce. http://tfl.nu/89y8
  Replies (11) Good night (894) Bad night (3260)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.

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  (678): Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth. http://tfl.nu/d54p
  Replies (9) Good night (3518) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays

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  (224): Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays http://tfl.nu/pg2c
  Replies (19) Good night (6929) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

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  (301): she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is http://tfl.nu/mseg
  Replies (21) Good night (4487) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.

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  (802): I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover. http://tfl.nu/tbtl
  Replies (10) Good night (5430) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

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  (812): i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities http://tfl.nu/t8hr
  Replies (7) Good night (5468) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

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  (217): Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997 http://tfl.nu/gfc1
  Replies (34) Good night (1164) Bad night (4987)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.

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  (406): You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior. http://tfl.nu/tu51
  Replies (6) Good night (1497) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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  (931): And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/ndct
  Replies (6) Good night (1572) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1457) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later

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  (319): Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later http://tfl.nu/ccad
  Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

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  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (688) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  With a fannypack full of drugs.

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  (712): Oh you know..Chillin with your dad. (712): With a fannypack full of drugs. http://tfl.nu/bjqx
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.

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  (423): It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers. http://tfl.nu/qq58
  Replies (2) Good night (1175) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.

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  (916): I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger. http://tfl.nu/3n2g
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (150)

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