Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.