You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hippo gnu deer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.