Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.