Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize