I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
