ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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