I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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